Last night’s Republican debate was a serious affair alright – Trump banning Muslims, Cruz destroying ISIS, and the depredations of Barack Obama, etc. But the best way to understand the debate isn’t by matching the candidates’ pseudo-seriousness, but through the classic comedy of Groucho Marx, Mike Myers, Steve Martin, and Will Ferrell.

Chris Christie’s first remarks are a good example (debate transcript here).  The world is on fire, our allies pay don’t respect us, and enemies don’t fear us, our military is weak, and your homes and families aren’t safe.  Marco Rubio isn’t messing around either – on his first day in office he’s going to repeal all of President Obama’s executive orders.

To cut it all short, here is what I think Governor Christie and Senator Rubio really meant, from Horsefeathers, Groucho singing I’m Against It.

Millions of Americans lost their homes due to foreclosure during the Great Recession but perhaps it was their own inertia. Here is Ted Cruz (actually Mike Myers as Dr. Evil) asking Goldman Sachs and Citibank for a small loan to tide over his senate campaign.

The viciousness of the primary season was exposed when Cruz was berated for not properly reporting a simple bridge loan from patriotic too-big-to-fail American financial giants.  He nailed the response though, with the old “I forgot” response, perfected by Steve Martin.

In these perilous times we don’t need these guys, we need (Will Ferrell as) W!